the creative notebook: be a beginner

You know that wild idea you have that doesn't make any sense because you don't know how to do it? What if you allowed yourself to be a beginner?

vinaixa, spain, succulent closeup.

I have a secret to tell you.

No, not that one, another one: I am trying my hand at writing fiction.

In May of this year, I was still trying to plot out an idea for a nonfiction book I had been trying to lay out and figure out and answer niggling questions and concerns about it for over half a year. Something wasn’t quite right, but I didn’t want to let go of the idea, either. It just wasn’t coming together and then… suddenly it came together. But it came together in a completely different way than I could have ever imagined: it turned into a fiction book.

I have always said I’m no fiction writer. I have never understood how people just come up with whole worlds and this has always been some magical out-of-reach skill that I, as a writer, just was never going to have. I love reading fiction but I had made my peace with never writing it. I’m much more a reflecting-on-this-life kind of writer. But then, the nonfiction I had been wrestling with suggested I turn it into a fiction story, and like a whirlwind it came together for me.

No, I’m not going to tell you what it is. But what I will say is that the roadblock suddenly was unblocked. Like a flood, in the middle of May, I was writing up a story premise, and doing character sketches, and setting the story in a specific time frame and place, and for three days straight I was writing like mad, dreaming up all sorts of scenarios and story arcs and conflict and resolution.

I have never written like this. I have never thought like this. But I kept thinking about it, and writing about it, throughout the rest of the year. I didn’t get much of the actual chapters written. I think I was not ready to trust it. But I couldn’t stop thinking about-and writing about-this story. These worlds. And now, as the weather starts to cool and cozy season is upon us, I am settling in and excited to begin slowly chipping away at putting down really rough, unorganized un-fixed attempts. This next phase will be just getting down the story. Writing chapters.

My trepidatious but inspired exploration of fiction writing got me thinking about life, of course. Writing always reminds me of life.

And here’s what thinking about fiction has me thinking about life:
How much more would we accomplish if we just allowed ourselves to do things badly, and then fix it later? All those ideas and goals and dreams we have been noodling for months if not years, but we are hesitating: what if we allowed ourselves to do them badly, and then get better at it as we go? What if we stopped worrying about being good at it before we had even had a chance to try it? What if we allowed ourselves to be a beginner when we begin something?

So if you are at the edge of this really crazy idea, something you know nothing about, but can’t stop thinking about? Now is the time.

Be a beginner.
Start learning, start researching, and most importantly start doing.
Begin while you are still learning.
Begin before you are good at it.
Begin even though you are nervous, even though that debbie downer logical side of your brain says it’s ridiculous.

BEGIN.

i walked through the village of vinaixa the other day, stopping to notice little plants and flowers. i will never stop being in awe of how big and amazing succulents get here.

How about we practice this a bit, explore this a bit, in our safe space: our creative notebooks.

This week’s visual prompt: Pull out a few of your favorite markmaking tools- thick markers, colorful pens, the best soft pencil in your pencil case. Use those favorite tools to doodle numbers one through five along the left hand side of the page. Make them whimsical, ridiculous, colorful. One through five, going all the way down the page. Big, audacious doodled numbers all decorated with swirls and little bits and bobs.

And your writing prompt: Alongside those fun and funky numbers, list five fun and funky things you would do with your time if you weren’t worried about whether or not you were any good at it. Don’t think about what you’re talented at, or what you think od possible to eventually be good at. Don’t even think about what the purpose is. Just list five things you have thought would be interesting to try- especially those things that you thought had no purpose, or that you would be terrible at them. List those things.

Then take one of them, and write about it more. What’s stopping you? What would happen if you ignored that and did it anyway? What would happen if you took half an hour a day away from doom scrolling and instead played with this ridiculous idea you’ve had instead? What would that look like? The doing of it, I mean.
The beginning.

We’re not concerning ourselves with the results or the purpose or heavens definitely not what people will think of it. Okay? Just what would it be like to try it out? What could you do to ease in, to allow yourself time to just give it a shot, try it out, no pressure no expectations? Write into that space.

Write into the beginning of beginning.

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This week, you could also:

• Catch up on Instagram: l’Artesania retreat center, the creative notebook, and me.

• Plan a visit to L’Albi

• Schedule a creative journaling workshop or plein air session with me

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And you can find all the creative notebook entries here.