farewells on repeat
that Nostalgia character from Inside Out 2 keeps knocking.
i went with my daughter this past week to see the movie Inside Out 2. in it, the “new emotions” show up as our main character riley turns 13 and hits puberty-and according to the storyline, there’s one more emotion to join the team, but not until she’s 23: Nostalgia.
i usually don’t think my nostalgia emotion is allowed to say or do much up in my brain. sure, i love fiercely and am a loyal friend, but i don’t really get much attached to things… and so i trick myself into thinking it won’t be that hard to leave behind people, either-or landscapes, or foods, or…
but the reality is, even though this impending move to spain is important and good for us and we are all ready to go already, it does also mean we are leaving behind nearly everyone we know. the “near and dear” will no longer be near.
yes, there’s whatsapp videos and chats, and instagram, and it’s not that big of a deal anymore to hop on a flight. right? not really leaving them behind, right?
well.
these past couple weeks have been filled with farewells. and they have been much harder than i thought they would be. the friday after my daughter’s school year ended, we had our last annual summer hurrah with a friend group made up of ani’s favorite people and their parents. we got really lucky when she was in 1st grade when a strong bond formed among a group of friends at congress elementary, and we discovered the parents all enjoyed each other, too. birthday parties, pool parties, outdoor covid hangs, so many playdates… these parents became some of our favorite people in this city, and we were so grateful that our whole families could spend time together regularly.
and then this last annual summer kickoff, i found myself quiet, trying not to be outwardly sad but guys? i was sad. i will miss them. i don’t know that we’ll ever again have a friend group of ani’s also be our friend group. that’s such a gift. and these people in particular? such a gift.
the next day, ani and i headed off to iowa, a road trip for just the two of us to visit family. along with spending much-needed time with my brother and my parents, that trip was a series of getting together with favorite aunts and uncles, and doing a full tour of iowa foods (bismarck donut from vander ploegs? check. corn chowder? check. venison? check. pork tenderloin sandwich the size of my head? check! cherry pie with homemade ice cream? check check check.)
and all along the way, that old emotion that usually just sits in the corner ignored, little old nostalgia, was in charge of my brain. the week became an unending loop of saying goodbye to favorites, family and food alike. love and loss, intertwined, over and over. that’s nostalgia, and i didn’t know she was even still around up there in my brain. in the inside out 2 movie, she’s portrayed as a little old lady, gray and sweet and always being told to come back later.
but this last week, i didn’t tell her to come back later. i let myself be in those moments. i savored the moments; i savored the people. i tried not to get sappy about it outwardly but inside? so sappy. and so full from savoring all that food, let’s be honest.
i even found myself taking in the landscape differently, noticing even more how those open plains, the reflections on the lake, and the way the horizon looks at dusk as it only can in iowa…how this has all affected my art, despite my efforts to insist that i am not interested in landscape painting.
i took nearly zero photos all week (something i have noticed i end up doing when i am in the moment), but all these memories are polaroids in my mind.
i knowthe farewells are not even close to over. i’m sure the emotions will continue this weekend, for example, as we have our farewell shindig saturday night (june 29) at the studio. want to join? you can get all the details here.
little old Nostalgia. i’m glad she came around again.